But let's break down this problem a little bit and see if there's anything that can be done.
You want to meet other gay guys but 1 not through the internet and 2 not anywhere deemed gay, because then someone might think you're gay. I know a straight woman who wants that—to have a relationship that evolves from a friendship—and she's failed to get it for over half a decade.
She has a ton of straight single male friends. My point is, it's pretty hard to get that if you're straight, let alone gay. On top of that, you don't want anyone to find out your gay or go anywhere that might seem gay, so hopefully you're getting an idea of how unlikely this is and why you need to come out, lighten up, or let go of some of your criteria because you're essentially reducing the likelihood of success to zilch. So what can you do?
You're probably going to have to use the internet in some way, like by going on a gay-friendly meetup such as those you'll find plenty of on http: You'll have to be around people who might seem gay to outsiders, so hopefully you're okay with that. Alternatively you could try to meet people at gay-friendly coffee shops or restaurants that are not necessarily gay-oriented.
You're in San Francisco, so that's basically anywhere in the Castro or even the Mission.
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Finally, if you're incredibly selective about who you come out to, go meet some straight people who don't give a crap about your sexual orientation. Maybe one of them will introduce you to someone else who doesn't mind that you're still in the closet.
I think that's a longshot, but that's exactly what you're asking for.
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