Gay but dating a guy

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Our relationship was an on-again-off-again mess, extending over a decade. But when things were good, things were great, and I spent my 20s percent sure I was straight. Plus, I successfully dated another guy for nearly six weeks. The dalliance ended the first night he was going to sleep over.

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We were watching TV in my darkened living room, lit only by the screen and the street. By the time I turned 30, I could not bring myself to date another guy. I could not imagine it. However, it was not long after that an age-old question returned. I knew now it was possible to not know, it was okay to change your mind, and there was really only one way to find out.

After every text, every phone call, every IRL meeting, I waited for the freakout, the overwhelming urge to bolt. It never came. Instead, I found the most normal, healthy, two-way relationship I had ever experienced. Maybe it was because I was older, but there was no pining, no stalking, and no pedestals.

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It just worked. Dating Tips. First Dates.

Date Ideas. Dating Stories. Date Restaurants. Date Bars. All About Us. What's Swipe Life? Apple Store Google Play. Although the gay guy in the relationship will try their best to be sympathetic — they know this struggle better than most, after all — it's understandable that their patience will wear thin.

‘Honey, I’ve got a secret’ : When gay men come out to their wives | SBS Sexuality

The ability to go public about their relationships is very important to many gay men — even if it attracts negativity. As a fresher at university, Robin, then 18, fell into a relationship with Dom, Says Robin: He absolutely had per cent control over things; the code of conduct imposed on us was coming from him, not me. Robin decided he would come out, in the hope it would show Dom that it didn't have to be a nightmare. Simon was 17 when his hitherto straight best friend made a move on him.

He would always tell me he wasn't like me, and couldn't be, because he 'had his whole future ahead of him'.

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The idea that my future was irrelevant and that admitting he was with me would ruin his made me feel worthless and I ended up battling depression for years. Gay men aren't toys to be practised on.


Bisexuality was often the only concession to less binary labels, but is and was often a source of derision among straight and gay people alike, characterised by accusations of greed or indecision. The closest anyone got for many years was the advent of metrosexuals — basically straight men who used moisturiser and took longer than five minutes to get ready in the morning — and drunk straight women getting off with each other for a dare. And even these were very much about straight people play-acting than any serious comment on evolving sexuality.

Everybody else had to stay in lane, their labels hanging over them. A sign things could be changing, for the better, are men who are comfortable with their status as a man who sleeps with men, and refuse to be bound by labels. Years after his straight-guy experience at uni, Robin somehow once again found himself in the middle of another heterosexual man's coming-out story. At first Robin assumed this was just an ego boost, but when Luke battled depression and none of his female flings were on the scene, Robin found himself as primary source of care and comfort, and feelings grew from there.

And I thought that was adorable, and sensible, and kind of romantic.

Dating Tips For Gay Men

While some men may both have the strength of character and also the front — and it takes plenty of that, be under no illusion — to reject these labels and still be open, it should be said that labels can sometimes facilitate this. All the time, and not too far away from us, LGBT people are fighting for the right to call themselves LGBT, but for your right to define yourself however you choose — gay, straight, fluid, curious. Just as out gay men have a duty to protect themselves from others forcing their own will upon them, maybe those refusing to conform should acknowledge their sacrifice and honour them by supporting the gay and bi brothers who keep their secrets.

In private, in public, wherever.